you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
