i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
