There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
