so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
