We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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