Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
