did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
As shirtless as possible
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
