Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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