how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
