The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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