Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
