He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
