Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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