Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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