The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
