Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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