somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
