Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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