a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sorry about my life...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
