People with herpes should wear stickers.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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