She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
