I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
