i don't like sucking hair
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Mom said you looked used
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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