it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize