she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
