Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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