Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
