I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am naked and annoyed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
