You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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