eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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