he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize