he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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