dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
