So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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