dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
