There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm passing your future prison.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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