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Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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