he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh god it's open bar.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
