I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
