Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
