I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize