i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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