My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize