Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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