who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My dick has a subreddit
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My vagina is very pro this idea
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
