I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
