I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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