My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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