It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
