All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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