so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
