the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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