he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
