I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
