i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
