They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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