It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
