My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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