Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
