I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize