how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
