where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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