I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
