if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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