The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Don't make out with my wife yet
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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