its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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