Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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