he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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