it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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