I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
