if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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