p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
