butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
