Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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