My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
