So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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