If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
