Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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