I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I puked a lego.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
