pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
