I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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