what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
