Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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