stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
