You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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