....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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