I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
