This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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