Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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