i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So much rum. So many feels.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
