I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize