Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
