Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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