i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
