her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
