Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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