I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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