Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
