Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize