my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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