Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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