There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
