I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
