We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
