why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
