just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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