i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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