You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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