oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize