Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
