I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
