If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
