Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
