i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize