btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
